Screwing the Pooch

Before I begin: I was honoured to be interviewed this week by Angelina Hansen as a "Partner on the Path". Check it out! If you want to know more about me, that is. *grin*

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It probably seems counterintuitive to be writing a blog post when I'm already a tiny bit overdue in finishing my [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] WIP and sending it off to the professional parties who have requested it. But this past week I had a ... um, I won't call it an epiphany, because part of me has had a feeling I was headed that way anyway. And "slap in the face" implies that someone slapped me. Realization? That sounds so ... lame. But yeah, "realization" is probably the best way to put it for now.

It started with Monday's Magical Words post, on Revisions and Editors. I asked, "Is it possible to reach a point where you can’t see any more problems and you *need* to send it to the editor/agent? (Or in the unpublished case, where hopefully it’s decent enough that an agent will take it on?) I’ve been held back from sending out my WIP by this constant vicious cycle of 'it needs more work', but it’s starting to grate on me."

The response I received?

Laura, yes, there is absolutely a point after which further revision doesn't do you any good. [...] No matter when you sell your book, and no matter who you sell it to, you're going to have an editor who wants to make changes to the book. Every editor is different; every editor will identify different strengths and weaknesses, and there is no way for you to anticipate every criticism. At some point you just have to send it out and trust that while the book is not perfect, it is good enough that an editor will recognize its potential.

I posted the link to my personal Facebook account, as I often do with articles I like. (Hi, total MW groupie here. *waves* ... *blushes* ... *hides*)

For the third time in my life, I received a piece of advice that because I've heard it so often, it feels like old hat and my brain glazes over. Three significant times I heard it where I distinctly recall the advice actually registering.

The first time was ten years ago, when I went to see Science Fiction author Spider Robinson give a talk on his latest novel, THE FREE LUNCH. (And thus began my addiction to Spider Robinson ... but that's a tale for another time.)

The second time was my very first Surrey International Writer's Conference. It was 2006, so a solid 5 years had passed. Robert J. Sawyer gave a keynote speech and included it in his "best advice for writers".

The third time that it actually registered, though, was Monday. One of the fantasy authors I'm honoured to be friends with, John Hartness, commented on my link and recited the advice there, which originally came from the Grand Master himself:

ROBERT A. HEINLEIN'S RULES FOR WRITING

#1. You Must Write.

#2. You Must Finish What You Write.

#3. You Must Refrain from Rewriting, Except to Editorial Order.

#4. You Must Put Your Story On The Market.

#5. You Must Leave It On The Market Until It Sells.

#6. You Must Start Working On Something Else.

And every time I heard that advice, a part of me thought, "Well, I *am* writing something. But it's not ready yet." (Don't get me wrong; I did send a few things out over the years, just not as much as I could have.) I even laughted it off on Monday because of course I've heard that.

But this time, it started to naggle at me. I'm not sending it out yet because I keep trying to fix it, to make it sparkle before an agent or editor's eyes see it. Because I have ongoing issues of worrying whether I'm "good enough" yet.

To continue the thought started in that post: in bracing for the answer once again being no, I've been screwing the pooch at sending things out.

Fear of failure again?

Or worse: fear of succcess?

See, one thing that has been consistent lately over the last few years has been positive feedback on what I've submitted. So if I've been very moderately successful, what's holding me back?

And I meant what I said at Magical Words on Monday. I'm starting to get a bit sick of my heartsong. So why the heck am I dithering about finishing this piece?

Failure won't exactly mean "going back to the drawing board", either. The last few times I failed, I took one rejection as failure, and scrapped my work (or at least stuffed it in the proverbial drawer). This time, and once again thanks to the sage advice at (you guessed it) Magical Words, I know better than to take a single "no" as "you suck". I can keep sending it out. (Oh, hello RAH Advice #5.)

I may be a little bit afraid of success. Can't deny that. But I'm more afraid of being the one who never succeeds because she never tries. That's what the contest entries a few weeks back were all about, right?

So. Here we are. I have a list of scenes and fixes that need to be written to deal with any glaring plot issues. There are 17 changes (not all of them whole scenes, thankfully) that need to be made. I am going to aim for at least 2 per day.

Because honestly, I'm ready to be done.

And #6 is looking mighty tasty right now ...

Poking the WIP with a stick (stalled work)

If you've been following me for any length of time, you'll know that this blog isn't exactly regular. I'm capable of dropping off the face of the Internet for weeks at a time. Well, the face of this blog, anyway. Facebook and Twitter ... eheheh ... *blush*

This time around, it wasn't just because I was trying to focus on edits to the WIP. No, lately the WIP has felt like this lump that I'm poking at with a stick to see if it'll move. Parts of it have felt glommed together and they need to be teased apart so that the story has breathing room, but the lump has remained a lump and it has not been fun. When my eyes glaze over at a story that I'm in love with, that I believe has the potential to be great if I can just get it right, then I know that something isn't working. But I just couldn't figure out what. I've banged my head on the proverbial desk often this month.

Thankfully, last week, things changed.

First of all, I picked up a book from my TBR shelf. My TBR shelf is massive and would sag under the weight of unread books if it weren't so sturdy. I've been having a bit of trouble reading lately, something I'm trying to work on but which is still taking time.

Thankfully, this book reminded me why it's important to keep reading. Sometimes a good book can jumpstart my creativity. Sometimes a good book can remind me of why I write. Sometimes a good book has the power to make my heart sing, and this one did. I can learn a lot from reading, and this particular awesome book, THE ENCHANTMENT EMPORIUM by Tanya Huff, was exactly what I needed. (Magic in Calgary. Canadian in-jokes. Fantastic premises. Lots of humour. Yes, I needed that!)

The second important happening was that a few contests came my way. One I knew about and didn't think I'd enter, but an entry took me by surprise (it's a poetry contest, and I suddenly found the words for what I wanted to say). The other was a contest in a completely different genre that I'd love to write in, but which I have only toyed with when not working on my YA fantasy novel. With the latter, I was asked to submit a first chapter and a synopsis.

Boy, did I need this.

Even if nothing comes of either entry, it felt good to write fresh words, not just edit existing ones. I wasn't just polishing or fixing or unglomming. I was creating.

Yesterday, after a weekend off from writing, I finally cracked open the WIP and started working on the glommed lump. I have a plan, and I feel very good about it. See, this time, I've sharpened the stick.

And this time, I'm going to make the lump move.

Writing vs. Talking About Writing

I love the writers communities I belong to: the Compuserve forums, Magical Words, my beta group, the #wipmadness group on Twitter, and the larger #amwriting Twitter community, too. And of course, my TOEM* in-person writing group. I love it because we can chat about different writing issues, celebrate and commiserate, check in with goals, and just plain connect with kindred spirits.

But lately, I've been more aware of how much of my limited writing time I am devoting to actual writing (currently, this includes editing), as opposed to just talking about writing. It can be so joyful to share with other writers, because they *get* what you're talking about, and if you're a storyteller, sharing with others is practically instinctive. But how much time am I spending *talking* about my novel, and how much time am I actually writing it?

I'm not just referring to the pitfall of talking a story to death, where you spend so much time talking about an idea or a story you're working on that you lose the momentum, the energy to work on the story. I'm talking about spending time talking about the craft with other writers, to the point where most "writing time" ends up going to the discussion, instead of to the actual writing (or editing). It feels like going to the gym and standing around chatting, rather than working out which is what you're supposed to be there to do. (Or even like having extended conversations with another person on the treadmill or elliptical. Seriously, if you can talk that much, how much of a workout are you actually getting?)

This is in no way a complaint about writers being social with one another. This could just be me, too. All I'm saying is, as much as I love and am grateful for all of the groups I participate in and the wonderful people I've met because of it, I personally need to recognize when I'm spending way more time talking about writing than actually writing itself.

The irony that this inspired a blog post, which also robs me of "actual" writing time, is not lost on me. But I've noticed that I'm getting itchy about finishing the rewrites on SIGN OF THE STAR, and I think this is worthy of sharing. So, back to work.

* TOEM = The Other Eleven Months. We're an offshoot of the Greater Vancouver NaNoWriMo community, and we meet year-round. I used to refer to it as O11M, but that was such a mouthful, and thanks to member Rob H., I realize that this acronym is *much* more appropriate.

Character Visuals (Artwork by Margo Perrie)

Several weeks ago, my friend David Davis asked me to describe Janni, the main character in my WIP, SIGN OF THE STAR. He said it was for a surprise, and I, not thinking much of it, rattled off some details and put it out of my mind. Between dealing with dirty laundry and struggling with rewrites, I've been a bit busy.

But then, about a week and a half ago, on the day Don Rocko and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary (at PAX, no less!), I received this lovely piece in my e-mail, drawn by Margo Perrie of the webcomic Witch and Cat:

I was floored. David (author/artist of the webcomic Cosmic Dash) has been one of my beta readers for SIGN OF THE STAR since it was very different from how it is now, so big thanks to him for making this happen. And fantastic artwork, Margo!

My amusing anecdote, aside from the awesome surprise that this was (and the silly fact that because I wasn't paying attention, there are a few niggly little details that are off which is totally *my* fault), is this:

When I received the piece, after the initial surprise, I frowned. There was something wrong with it that I could not place. Which sounds awful, because the artwork itself is amazing. It's a beautiful depiction of Janni, both when she's traveling on the road and when she gets a chance to dress up. It looks just like her, and it's even inspired me with some of her description. So what was bothering me about it?

Then I realized the problem: she's smiling.

Which is not a comment on the artwork. It's a sad fact about Janni. But then, given that she's spent most of her life in hiding from an uncle who tried to kill her and a destiny she wants no part of, she hasn't had much reason to smile.

All is not lost, however. She'll find reasons. And when she looks at her love interest, I realize that this is *exactly* what she looks like when she's smiling unguarded at him. ♥

Have you ever had the chance to have your character drawn by an artist? Has it helped the story, or given you new insight about a character?

Dirty Laundry Has No Place on the Internet

And so I will not air it.

But I will say this: my personal life has been very stressful right now. No details (but for the morbidly curious, I am still happily married. Why do I think people will wonder about that? Maybe because it's the kind of thing I think of). In short, my already-limited writing time has been taken up by this stress, and the stress does not help my health. Plus it's a total downer on my creativity levels.

What it has meant, though, is that I've had to face some realizations about my craft. I have so many stories to tell, and they're not being written fast enough. I'm in what I hope is the final round of edits for my WIP, where I'm using my mad puzzling skillz to fill in some gaps in the picture that is my novel, to the point of adding characters who need to exist for the sake of the story. Most of them die by the end, but SotS will be better for their inclusion in the first place.

Don Rocko and I were away last weekend at Penny Arcade Expo (PAX), where we had a fantastic time checking out video games, enjoying the geeky panels and concerts, partying with friends, and chatting with some of our favorite accessible celebrities. Once again I got my writing notebook signed by Wil Wheaton. (squee) It was great for refuelling my geeky energy. But we also got a chance to sleep in undisturbed on a comfy bed and set aside the worries of Real Life. It was then that I had the dream.

I dreamed that I died. Turns out it was an administrative error, so they sent me back. It may have also involved the devil losing a bet, but I forget the details. But while I thought I was dead? I was so angry about the things I hadn't finished. Like my novel. There was *no way* I wanted to go back and start over from scratch. Not now. And if that's not a cosmic "get your butt in the chair" message, I don't know what is.

Which brings me back to my point.

I know I had that dream because I felt, both consciously and unconsciously, that there was too much getting in the way of my writing time. I also know that I have the bad habit of putting other people first, to the detriment of that time.

That can't happen anymore. Not when it's stifling what is most important to me (Don Rocko aside, of course). Not when writing is what makes me thrive.

This past month was a challenge. I am done with it. It is time to make myself a priority.

Today a Twitter friend of mine, @BA_Matthews, reminded me of how important this is to me. At last year's SiWC, the final keynote of the conference was Robert Dugoni, and he gave a rousing riff on Aragorn's speech in The Return of the King. The final line is, "This day, we write!"

Well, then. Back to work for me.

On Pens and Swords

"You've got to check your ego at the door."

I was at a party the day I heard those words. My friend's partner was having a birthday, and they'd just moved in to their new place together, so the event doubled as a housewarming. Or rather, "Housearming". The happy couple both study swordplay, something which I *finally* got to start doing myself in February. Since then I've been blessed to take lessons at Academie Duello, a school for western martial arts. Currently I'm learning the rapier.

The speaker was talking about swordfighting, of course. Most of the partygoers were from the Academie. And what she meant was that it can be easy to be too overconfident, or to think you know more than the rest. Of everything I've learned, that line has stuck with me, and for one reason: it's true.

And it prompted a vital realization: I love taking sword classes. There's a fantastic fitness element to it and I am sure it will work its way into my Fantasy writing. And I won't deny that it's fun to say, "Well, in sword class the other day..."! But what I think I like best about it is that I am a beginner. I am still learning. And I am completely okay with that.

With writing? Not so much.

When I comment at Magical Words, I try to take an attitude that I'm a student and I'm learning, for no other reason than the fact that I don't want to ever get the attitude that I've learned enough about writing and I don't have to learn any more. I'm sure we can all name authors who seem to be phoning it in after awhile. I want to keep learning. I want to be a publishworthy writer.

But that doesn't mean I've been able to check my ego. Writing is something I've been doing for as long as I can remember. Being a storyteller (which very early on, translated in my mind to getting published) is something I want to do as my job. Over the years, I've learned more and more about the craft, and each new novel or rewrite shows that growth. And then I turned twenty, and I started to get impatient. I wrote and rewrote a few times more, but each time, I felt as if I was done, as if I was ready. I started going to SiWC. And anytime I was around other (unpublished) writers, I had this kept-to-myself feeling that I was somehow smarter and better in some way.

(A horrible, horrible thought, I know. But it was there. And as I've said about my experiences in Pen Name Hell, to deny its existence would be wrong.)

Now I'm nearly thirty. I've been writing for more than two decades, now. I'm acutely aware that there is so much I have to learn. I would *like* to finally feel that my writing is "good enough", and maybe I'm starting to feel that way again, at last, except that now I'm bracing for not being "good enough" and having to start over, again, because I haven't reached the right level.

And this time, if it's true, I'm okay with it.

Confidence? That's good to have. Self-confidence especially. You've got to believe in yourself enough to pick up that pen or that sword in the first place. But there is no place for cockiness on this path. Check your ego at the door. And get writing!

Happy Birthday #amwriting

My husband and I are filkers by nature. We are both carry earworms and pass the songs back and forth with such ease, it's a good thing Pontypool is just a movie. So maybe it's natural that we love to change the lyrics of songs. I've done it for a number of circumstances, including birthdays and going away parties.

For the life of me, I cannot remember how I chanced across the #amwriting hashtag. The early days of my exposure to Twitter were unfolding, where I was learning how to use it and figuring out exactly what everything meant. I know that it was more than a year ago. So maybe I was stumbling blind when I chanced upon it—in fact, I think it was the very first hashtag I ever followed. Maybe it was just a natural instinct that caused me to gravitate to that section of the Twitterverse. And maybe I was simply drawn, like a moth to a flame, except this flame when touched did not burn. Instead it exploded into an array of coloured light, and I stepped into a vast community of other writers, there to share the spirit of writing (and sometimes some great solutions, too).

And with that, I am delighted to wish the #amwriting hashtag and community a happy second birthday with (you guessed it) a filked song:


Hashtag, #Amwriting
To the tune of: "Truck Stop In LaGrange", originally by Grady, covered by Dale Watson and then Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash (where I heard it)

Writin' alone at four a.m., I was totally stuck on my plot
I'd been up all night tryin' to finish that goddamn scene
I was beginning to think I couldn't make it, but I did so I'm here to say...
Thank God for that little bitty hashtag, #amwriting!

With a damn good group of writers, and a well of inspiration
And that community soul ... partner, it's a mighty fine thing.
I asked for some help with my plottin' woes, and they helped me on my way.
Thank God for that little bitty hashtag, #amwriting!

So if you're sittin' at your desk, bangin' your head, and your writin' ain't goin' your way
Just stop on by. Tell 'em Laura said "hi"!
And they'll help you (or commiserate) ...

With a damn good group of writers, and a well of inspiration
And that community soul ... fellas, it's a mighty fine thing.
I asked for some help with my plottin' woes, and they helped me on my way.
Thank God for that little bitty hashtag, #amwriting!


Happy birthday, #amwriting!

And folks, don't forget to stop by Marian Allen's blog for more #amwriting birthday celebration fun. We're having a blog party!

My First Writing Talk (AEBC Greater Vancouver)

Today I had the honour of being asked to talk about writing before the Greater Vancouver chapter of the Alliance for the Equality of Blind Canadians. This was the first time I've ever been asked to give a writing talk about anything, but most of the attendees were very beginner writers who wanted to know a little bit more about the craft, with the intent of sharing their stories with the world.

My first thought, on being asked was, "Wait, *I'm* being asked to talk about writing? But I'm barely even published!"

And then I realized that actually, I've been studying to craft for a very long time, and I have picked up a thing or two. I may not be super successful yet, but I can definitely address the basics enough for a group of people interested in getting started. This was an exercise in my own self-confidence, and personally, I think it went well. Below is my own outline.

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Laura’s Writing Talk For AEBC Greater Vancouver

Talking about writing
- It’s a very broad topic
- There’s a lot that can be said about writing
- I’ll try to stick with basics today

1. Write every day.
- Even if it’s just a little bit.
- Writing regularly helps you get better.
- It’s like anything, like weightlifting or learning how to draw.
- Writing is a craft. And to get better at it, you need practice.
- It also helps you to find your voice.

2. Find your voice.
- We all have a unique voice. But finding it can take some work. And some practice.
- What do you have to say that makes you unique?
- Finding your voice, and your writing style, isn’t always about standing out from the crowd. It can also be about taking something ordinary and putting your own spin on it.
- What makes your heart sing? This is what I think is the most important part of today’s talk. Finding your heartsong, what makes you you, what you love to talk about, is vital. Why else would you be writing it?
- Obviously, you are not defined by your physical abilities. Or you shouldn't let yourself be.
- But what stories do you have to share that are both unique and show your empowerment?
- Can you engage the five senses? This is a whole, much bigger topic, but it can be part of finding your voice. Sounds, taste, touch, smell … all can help bring a story to life, yet a lot of writers, period, have trouble with engaging the senses.
- Edgar Allan Poe says: A short story should have a “single effect”. What is the effect you want to create with your story?
- That may mean you can’t include every single detail, because sometimes the things that seem cool aren’t necessary for the story.
- So, don’t get too attached to your writing. What seems important to you personally might not be for the tale at the heart of it. In fact, too much detail can bog down the story and cause the reader to lose interest.
- Which leads me to my third point …

3. Be willing to change what you’ve written.
- This is the hardest lesson in writing.
- And as often as I’ve learned it, it still keeps coming back to bite me.
- Me: I finished something! Isn’t it awesome?
- Feedback: Actually … it probably needs some work: for coherence, for consistency, and to make a good story
- Okay, so you’ve written a story. Yay!
- But unless you’re the next Charles Dickens (and most of us aren’t!) you’re probably going have to change it.
- When you get feedback, don’t get angry. Don’t take it as a personal attack. The person critiquing your work is not telling you that *you* are a terrible person. They’re saying that something in your writing needs work.
- Making changes to what you've written can feel painful. You think, “But I like it the way it is!”
- But you can’t be rigid. You have to be willing to make changes for the good of the story. This is how we learn.
- Remember, the first draft is *not* going to be perfect. So don’t get hung up on making it perfect. Because you’ll probably have to change it.
- Just sit down and start writing!
- Don’t try to look for errors until you’ve *finished* your story. Once you’ve finished it, then you have the entire picture and can make appropriate cuts.
- And then you’ll have a lot of editing to do. Writing “the end” is only the beginning.
- And that’s okay, because learning to spot errors in your own work is part of learning how to write.

And of course, something that came up in the discussion was an obvious point that wasn't on my original outline, but I think we all know by now from my recent posts that I am fantastic at missing a single important detail (like, say, renewing a freaking passport), is this:

4. Read. Extensively. You learn from what you read.

Thankfully, that point did get addressed.

I had a lovely time sharing some of what I've learned today. It was invigorating and fun discussing these issues with folks interested in getting started with the craft.

As for me? Back to editing my WIP.

Mythology and Folklore (ConCarolinas Writing Panel)

The pages in my journal stuck together; that's why I didn't notice this set of notes until just before posting the last set. But here we are, with the final panel I attended. If you have any questions, please ask and I will elaborate. These were, after all, my own attempted transcription of what was said.

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Mythology and Folklore

Authors: Stuart Jaffe, Jana Oliver, Natania Barron, Gail Z. Martin, Kalayna Price, Wendy S. Delmater

Moderator: Mason Lavin

Creating a mythology:
- Draw from another culture
- Study old cultures
- Trace myths back to their roots
- Don't just mine it halfhazardly for stories - know the myths
- It helps to absorb and process a lot of old myths.
- Look at how each culture views evil as a concept, how it is real to them.
- Read extensively.
- The reason myths have been able to last for so long is that something in them resonates with people.
- Be respectful to the original myth.

Things not to mess with:
- Nothing? We can take things and make it our own.
- Remember that myths stem from religion, and be respectful of that.
- It is possible to reinvent with respect.
- Our job as writers is to lie for a living.
- Do it well, and the readers won't care; do it poorly and they might care a *lot*.

Remember, it's fiction:
- Things can be changed in popular myth. Example: Vampires weren't originally allergic to sunlight.
- Tropes can be bent; just don't break it.
(Trope: an accepted standard in a genre/subgenre - usually what's listed on the back of a novel is mostly tropes, because readers can understand the story's subject matter quickly).
- Can take tropes and put them in a different setting, but it might be difficult.
- Myths can be used at the structural level.

Even Christianity is a Myth:
- The mythology is so complex and has many different traditions.
- Have to consider it all.
- The Church has evolved and changed, too, along with its myths and traditions; this goes back to its historical roots.
- Words change over time.
- The original Christian myth was not written in English.

Borrowing vs. cultural appropriation:
- Use care
- Research what you're borrowing
- Do it *well*.
- If using something real, get it right.
- Be respectful.

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So, that's it for my ConCarolinas 2011 notes. I hope you've enjoyed them. Now the year is winding toward two other big events for me: Penny Arcade Expo at the end of August, and the Surrey International Writer's Conference. I have a few notes from SiWC that I wouldn't mind sharing, and I'll probably have a thing or two to say about PAX, too.

Watch this space for a post about swordfighting, too. ;)

In the meantime, I'm looking forward to this Saturday! I've been asked to give a talk on the basics of writing. This will be my first - wish me luck!